I often come across questions about healing from trauma. Is it possible? How is it possible? After going through a traumatic experience some people cannot envisage a future scenario, when they won’t suffer any more from the memories of their emotionally painful experience. Some people ask me if I can make them forget what happened. Some others talk about ‘’wiping the event off their brain”. As many minds, as many imaginations.
I believe, it would be a terrible idea to forget a slice of life for many reasons, especially if there are multiple traumata involved. To do that, we would not only have to forget the actual event(s), but then all the events that are associated with it, after that all the content that is connected to the associated events, and so on. At the end, we would remember very little. In fact, that process sometimes happens spontaneously for inherent protection, but it can lead to severe dissociation too. When emotions belonging to traumatic experiences are so overwhelming that forgetfulness is a better alternative to the suffering, we do forget. Sometimes, we cannot forget and feel pain.
In therapy, however, we can remember and process a memory simultaneously, which means, we can digest it, release the overwhelming emotional state of it, and integrate it into our memory networks. We can then re-evaluate it, change our belief system, maybe, or create many internal ways to make life bearable, even enjoyable. With powerful techniques we can certainly create a richer, and deeper understanding of life, and of ourselves,
One of the most outstanding wisdoms that stand out in my memory from the time when I started learning and researching trauma therapies, was the difference between being a ‘victim of trauma’ and being the ‘survivor of trauma’. Amongst many differences the most potent ones are that the survivors are wiser, emotionally richer, more mature, and more powerful, than victims. Survivors who worked through their experience(s), through healing, not only repaired their ‘Brokenness”, but they deepened their soul, and more wholesome beings.
So, when I heard about the art of Kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold or silver lacquer, I realized how beautifully this parallelled the process of therapy.
Both recognize that fractures, whether in ceramics or the human psyche, are not only inevitable but also essential to growth and transformation. Kintsugi teaches that breakage is part of an object’s history, and rather than trying to make the cracks disappear, it highlights them. Through the process, the object becomes more valuable, and not despite its damage, but because of it.
Similarly, healing from trauma involves acknowledging wounds rather than concealing them. The journey of recovery uncovers, but also, integrates these “cracks.” The result is a renewed sense of self. In both cases, repair is an act of creation and reclamation. Just as the golden seams in Kintsugi emphasize the resilience of the object, healing trauma reveals a deeper, more profound strength within the individual.
Instead of striving to return to an unbroken or “perfect” state, both Kintsugi and trauma healing encourage embracing imperfection as part of one’s identity. They celebrate resilience, offering a powerful message: wholeness is not the absence of scars, but the ability to transform them into something beautiful. Our history should never be erased, repressed, avoided, but cherished, transformed, and valued.